In Sukie Miller’s book, Finding Hope When a Child Dies: What Other Cultures Can Teach Us, she likens a child’s death to the initiation ritual in some Native Tribes. They, like the parent who loses a child, do not volunteer, are not stronger, wiser nor more capable of handling the experience. Rather, they are forced into it, they are chosen by fate, chaos, randomness, or however you wish to define it, they must walk through the fire.  I personally know that the hardest loss for a parent is a child, but equally true the greatest loss for a young child is a parent.

News of death came again this week.  Greg Allman died, and as with most deaths, there’s a peculiar twist in that we learn so much more about a person. NPR shared the story of his life as an initiate. His father was murdered when he was 3 years old.  He grew very close to his big brother, Duane, and together they survived through music, as the Allman Brothers Band. After the loss of his brother in a motorcycle crash in 1971, at the age of 24, he continued to face his grief every time he continued to play as The Allman Bother’s Band. They talked about how his grief influenced his music but pondered as to why he would want to torture himself in that way. What they didn’t understand, as much of our culture doesn’t, the way of the initiate.  The way of honoring and remembering, weaving and integrating the loss, the pain, the memory and in that way keeping the essence of the love and spirit of the loved one alive in you and alive in the world- The way of the initiate.  

So, I say cheers to you Greg and all the other brave-hearts. Those who are willing to be with the depth of the experience, to endure the pain, to get through the fire and blaze a deeper way to be with life in all its brokenness and in all its beauty.

©2017 Elene Bratton