today is your birthday, precious son
twenty-two years ago
random chance and perfect order merged to bring you to us
and this, another day for this father to reflect
again
time for this lucky father
for this grateful father
for this eternally in-love father
for this devastated father
for this baffled father
for this know-nothing father
for this surrendered father
to attempt to sort the un-sortable
again
what would you be doing had you survived?
twenty-two- an age where you may be about to graduate college
would you desire to spend time with your dad?
would you be forging your own way
taking time away from your parents, as was i, at that age?
would you be stable?
struggling?
content?
dispirited?
would you be filled with bliss?
drowning in anguish
drifting gently between?
would you have even made it to twenty-two?
would you have been living with the effects of that terrible accident?
would you have lived with a brain injury
or other serious disability?
would you have healed completely?
would you have died again,
and again,
and again?
this mind paints a picture in which you have grown
in which you are
educated, yet always learning
an advocate for justice for humans and other animals
equanimous – passionate yet at peace with yourself and the world
deeply interdependent with your family
and friends
a man who understands deeply
who knows he doesn’t know much
who loves without fear
who finds a place in this world
and who makes space for others
these are all things that you were,
so I could easily assume that you would continue to be those
but I cannot
everybody changes over the years
sixteen years and one month
seems like a lifetime
and indeed approaches three lifetimes
the whole necessary process
calls me back to the present
again
to here
again
to now
again
the eternal present
it is all we have ever had
and all we will ever have
for jamie morgan. i hope you know.
© may 24, 2018 mychael mcneeley
Oh, Myke…my heart still breaks for you, even all these years later. I didn’t know him, only met him once when he was a baby…but I see how much he was loved by you, his mommy, his aunts/uncles/grandparents, and other relatives. All these years later, and Jamie’s Joy is still helping others, and your eternal boy won’t be forgotten. 💜
This means a lot to me, Shawnette! Thank you for your kind words and sweet heart.
Mychael, these are the most beautiful words in memory of your boy, Jamie. We will never know what could have and should have been for those we’ve lost. It’s terrifying and invigorating all at the same time. I know your boy is still with you, not in the physical world, but always in reach and still making his connections. I know you must feel him every day, his smile, his energy, and his loving heart! Through the pain, we must remind ourselves that LOVE never dies! It’s the love that keeps us going, until you see him again! 💚💚
Lacey, thanks so much for your kind comment. I definitely feel Jamie near me all the time. It’s not the way I wanted it, of course, but it’s what I’ve got. Love never dies, that’s for sure! Sending you and your family lots of love. Your family knows that loss.